How I Became Addicted to Porn Pt 2

Ahh, high school.  That little microcosm of intensity where every situation is life or death, every friendship is forever, and every couple seems to be an actual physical extension of the other.  Let me just clarify the start of my high school glory days were a little different.  In seventh grade, I left public school to join a private, Catholic,  all boys school run by an order of Spanish priests.  I was there for about a year and a half.  My acting out slowed a little during that time due to the fact that my life was very structured, I wanted to be a priest, and there wasn't much opportunity.  I started my public high school misadventure in the beginning of the second semester of my freshman year.  I didn't  know anybody, I was shy, I hadn't been around girls, especially ones that looked like that!, for a while.  It was a little awkward.

My one link to social living was the band.   I played trumpet, so off I trudged to the band room for class and eventually made some friends.  Things were pretty tame that freshman year.  I had to come out of myself a little.  I was struggling internally over having left the private school where I was going to be a priest and all that.  Eventually my guilt over leaving that school turned into a fine hatred of the religion, especially those darn Catholics.  Enter sophomore year...

I started dating a girl in the band who was a grade ahead of me.  Let's call her Pilchred.  Why?  Because it amuses me to do so.  So I started dating Pilchred and all my hormones flew to that part of my brain where everything focuses with laser-like accuracy.  I wanted to be VERY physical all the time.  She was a bit conservative, much to my dismay, and I had to push the envelope all the time and keep trying to take it one step further.  It was pretty much all we would do when we "hung out."  We never went on a whole lot of dates, even though we were "going out."  I finally convinced her to have sex after dating for over a year.  I was sixteen when I lost my virginity to her, and it was her first time as well.  It wasn't all that romantic.  It was on the floor of the living room of my parents' house.  I didn't care, though.  It was SEX after all.

After about a year and a  half of dating, I got tired of her and dumped her for a freshman that my dad soon forbade me to date anyway.  This was in my junior year.  I roamed around free for a while.  Porn and masturbation had been a daily part of my life all throughout high school.  I soon started dating another girl.  We shall call her Brunhilda, or "Brunny" for short.  I was quickly "in love" with this one.  I was Brunny's first boyfriend, so I had to introduce her to EVERYTHING, which I was more than happy to do.  Our sexual relationship progressed somewhat slowly at first.  I had to cultivate it and make sure she was "comfortable."  This was another very intense relationship that I became obsessed with.  We eventually had sex, and there was someone else who's virginity I had taken.  We dated into my senior year.

During my senior year, Brunny decided she was going to go to Israel for a semester to study.  I was devastated.  She was going to miss my senior prom.  I remember bawling my eyes out the day she left.  It was awful.  After a while, the separation got to me, and I realized I had free reign.  I broke it off with Brunny and started messing around with a couple of other girls.  It wasn't in a "relationship", it was just the age old "friends with benefits."  I liked benefits.  Considering my obsession with sex, I had to find something somewhere.  I would lie, manipulate, and do whatever I could in order to "get some." 

Things were a little awkward when Brunny came back from Israel and I decided that I still was in love and wanted to get back together.  Besides, she was hot.  I spent the rest of the time and the summer after I graduated trying to get back in her good graces.  Eventually,  I won out and we became the couple of the year again.  I was going off to the Marine Corps in September, and with that date approaching, I got more desperate to be with her every second that I could. 

To recap high school, I was in a couple of long-term, emotionally invested relationships in which I was obsessed with sex and tried everything I could in order to get more.  I was masturbating several times a day and checking out porn every chance I could get.  Sure,  I was in band and played lacrosse, but sex was my number one focus.  I was in and out of religion.  I was even in youth group for my senior year.  I went on a couple of religious retreats run by the Franciscan University of Steubenville.  But I was still obsessed with sex and in my relationship with Brunny.  This conflicted with my budding interest in religion.

I will stop here for now.  The next and last post in this series will detail my years in the Marine Corps, my marriage, and how my addiction took its toll on everything.  The next post will get things up to my current situation. 

I offer this post to you, Lord Jesus.

I ask you to bless the girls that I have been with and ask you to help them know you.

You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Please bless all who read this, especially all who are struggling with addiction to sex.