Dear Jesus,
I am but an unworthy servant. On my own, I have lived in sin and despair. Please take my life and my soul. Purify it and make it Yours. I cannot stand on my own two feet. Help me to rely solely on You for my strength and my peace. I ask this through the intercession of Padre Pio, and your Holy Mother. Amen
Howdy folks! Here's the second installment of this series. I must warn you, it is going to be a many part series. I think this topic is very serious and needs to be explored. If you haven't read part one, I highly recommend it. You can check it out here. When it comes to exploring femininity, I am probably going to have my wife guest-blog on the issue, being that she is a woman and all. This post is going to focus on the basic fears of men and also the four archetypes that derive from the masculine spirit that God designed. I hope this is informative. You may notice that I am not using references for all of this. I am basing this on many talks I have heard from Dr. Phillip Mango, a psychotherapist from New York City and also the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I highly recommend this book. It speaks directly to the masculine heart.
We have established how men are built, both on the outside and the wiring in their brains. We are now going to look more at a man's heart. As a man's body is built for strength and defending his family and his beliefs, so is a man's spirit imbued with the desire to display a moral strength in the form of courage and good character. To men, character is very important. This plays directly into a man's greatest fear: failure.
To a man, failure in his work, his ability to provide for his family, and his masculinity is his primal fear. A male addict feels like a comlete failure as he is unable to control himself and has surrendered to an outside force. The addict believes the lies that are played over and over in his head about his own inadequacy. This fear of failure can immobilize a man at worst, or impel him to continue his fight at best. Women listen up here: men need affirmation of their own masculinity from YOU. A spouse or partner who criticizes her man and constantly blames him only drives him away into himself and away from her. This is very important.
The man who calls his wife from work to tell her he has been thinking about her beauty, her eyes, or her wonderful love will abide in her heart. Men don't care about hearing that. The woman who looks at her man and tells him how she admires his CHARACTER, his self-sacrifice, his humility, will abide in his heart and give him the courage and strength to carry on.
The second great fear of men is being found out to be a fraud. That he doesn't actually have what it takes to be a man. Many men go their whole lives without having this question answered. Do I have what it takes? The primary person in a man's life who can answer this question and lead a boy into the realm of men is his FATHER. Masculinity can only be bestowed by other men. I'm sorry, but a woman, a mother, cannot make her boy a man. A boy must turn from his mother over time and be taken up by his father and be initiated into manhood. This answer to this question is critical to a boy's development. When father is absent, distant, abusive, or uninvolved, it leaves this boy to wander through life finding the answer to this question.
It is an absolute tragedy that so many boys are injured early on in life by not having this question answered, and then they carry this wound with them throughout their entire lives. Some become workaholics, trying on a deep level to please their fathers. Others try to find the answer to this question in women and may have many sexual conquests, but remain feeling empty inside. Many lack the self-confidence that they need and wander through life feeling insecure and unable to really commit to anything. To me, this is very sad. We have a crisis in authentic masculinity that is crippling this society.
The boys who grow into men with these wounds then become fathers themselves and are unable to pass down a distinct sense of masculinity to their sons because they do not have it. You cannot give something that you do not have yourself. This is the cycle that is created that passes down from generation to generation. I cannot convey to you, dear reader, the sense of mourning I feel for this situation and the poor boys who grow up without a loving father. I have my own "father wounds" and I can identify with the sense of masculinity lost. It is a very deep wound that affects a man's entire being.
So what are the basic needs of men? A man needs a spouse or girlfriend who does not criticize or nag, but who lovingly supports him. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't discuss problem areas in a relationship or what not, but criticizing and nagging drive him away. A man needs a willing sexual partner who will give herself to him as he gives himself to her in a loving sexual relationship. I am an advocate for sex in the confines of marriage, and I will get into that at a later time. Be careful to respect your wives, men. It is possible to use your wife for your own gratification, rendering primarily masturbatory a supposed act of mutual self-donation. Rather, give yourselves to her and invite her into your masculinity and your whole person and share your love and strength. We will talk more of this when we get to the "sex" part of this series.
The nature of masculinity is that of strength, leadership, love, and a strong character. A family will thrive when a man devotes himself to his wife and his children, giving of himself in humility and self-sacrifice. Those children, both the boys and the girls, will grow up with a secure sense of themselves, of God, and of their own abilities and limitations. The father plays a central role in the development of his children and can only do so when he is strongly rooted in his own masculinity, as designed by God.
I know I said that I would get into the four archetypes of the masculine spirit, but this has gone on long enough, I think. I will address that issue in the next post. I welcome your comments and feedback on all of the posts of this blog. I write for my own recovery and also to share something of myself with all of you. May God bless you and keep you, if you let Him.
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